Wednesday, August 11, 2010

The End I'll Never See

About this time a year ago I was stepping out into the unknown. That is I was unsure about what I would accomplish by taking a year off of school. Quite uncertain of where God was gonna take me, what He would show me, and what He would teach me. As I recall my original plan was to go to Crossroads Bible College to study theology; yet God, over time changed that. I never really did see myself becoming, or more so becoming a missionary, yet alas that what God has laid on my mind and heart. Now I just have yet to get there, to get to the people group wants me to preach the gospel to. For sometime the people of Somalia have been on my heart ever since I heard of situation they're dealing with in their country, their bitterness & hostility to Christianity, and hard hearts towards Christ (I guess it's safe to say). Who knows though, whether the Somalis or some other unreached people group; I want obey the Lord.

God has also taught me a lot about myself during me year off. One thing is pride. I now see pride as a serious deal due to the awakening I had of how pride has sneaked it's way in many areas of my life, especially through evangelism. Pride did hidden work among my evangelistic lifestyle to gradually give me a prideful heart and even a judgmental mindset. I was thinking of myself more highly than I ought (which Paul says in Romans 12 that we shouldn't). Looking down on other whether they were Christian or not,and putting myself a step higher then them (which in reality I am just like them, a sinner). Yet, God revealed my pride to me, one night, and I became sick of what I saw, so I without hesitation, repented. Do I still deal with pride? Yes! I do on a regular basis. I'm always sure to be on guard against it, because I know it can blindside me at any moment! Lord fill my heart with humility!

God has also revealed to me that idolatry is a big deal as well. He has shown me idols in my life that never really look at as idols. Like, people for an example. Yes, I love my friends, but there's a fine line between love and obsession. I'm not saying that I have made any of my friends to be an obsession in my life, but I will be honest to say that worry & concern, trying to be on good terms, gaining approval, etc. has dominated quite a few days of my life. It sure hard to have Christlike, godly relationships with others, and I would have to say that it'll take a lifetime. I would never have the perfect Christ-like, and godly relationship with a friend, but it's something spending a lifetime working on. God, sure has revealed quite a few other idols in m life, and He continues to. Idolatry is another sin that I need to be on guard against daily. Lord rid my heart of all idols, for my heart is yours to own!

The Church, the body of Christ is beautiful beyond my understanding, cause it was founded by Christ, the Cornerstone. God has displayed to me time and time again it's beauty that it beholds. Through times of praise & prayer, fellowship, unity, love, unifying passion & desire etc. God has captivate my heart by the beauty of His people! Yes, we aren't all lovey dovey toward one another, yes there may be disagreements, and little disputes like the one Paul and Barnabas had over John Mark, but all in all we're one body bound by the blood of Christ abiding. Pressing on together towards the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:14). The Gates of hell shall not prevail against us. For who dare come against us; for we are His!

These are a few things that have stuck out during my year off, and I assure you that God has taught me a lot more about myself and Him, about Christ,and about living a life worthy of Christ! I feel like I've grown quite a bit, that I've grown closer my Savior & God, but yet I still have much more to learn and much farther to go! I still not anywhere near to being like Christ, but He still conform me to the image of His son day by day. I move on one day at a time, continuing to trust in Him, and looking to Him. My Savior & God.